Supporting your children on their gap years

When discussing gap years most conversations tend to focus on whoever it is actually embarking on the trip, however, there is another group are hugely involved in the gap year process – the parents.

Whether it's helping fund the trip, packing, driving to the airport or sending out emergency funds, parents are normally involved in most aspects of gap years to some extent.

While some parents may see gap years as an indulgence and prefer their children to go straight to university, Richard Oliver, chief executive of Year Out Group, suggested that many now appreciate the benefits a gap year can offer and how they can actually enhance their offspring's CV.

What gap years do parents prefer?

With this in mind, parents tend to be more supportive of gap years where they can see the benefits it will offer rather than an unstructured trip which has the potential to turn into a year-long holiday.

Mr Oliver suggested that courses such as language training or summer camps which teach attendees about a different culture are well supported as it is easy to see the benefits they offer.

"Expeditions are also easily supported as most are comparatively short, are group activities, not too expensive and have well documented benefits.  The fact that our future king and queen (both went with Raleigh International to Chile, though not at the same time) took this path on their gap year helps," he added.

Parents also tend to be reassured if their son or daughter is volunteering in a group rather than on their own or in a pair.

The parents who tend to take the  most convincing are those who do not know people who have been on gap years, while those whose children attend schools where gap years are popular or have been on one themselves are more easily convinced. For offspring who are breaking new ground they need to try and help their parents see what benefits it will have for them and their future career.

What help can parents offer?

Once parents are on board it can be tempting to jump in and try and be involved in all aspects of the decision making process. However, the organising part of the gap year is actually one of the most important parts and the gapper should be in complete control of everything from when and where they go and what they do there.

"The important thing is that all the decisions should be made by the child who, we must remember, is invariably an adult. However it is always best if the final decision is an informed decision by which I mean that the parents have been at least kept informed of progress in the research and planning stages and have been able to contribute their views," Mr Oliver stated. 

"If this line is followed the risks will have been identified and steps taken to mitigate against those risks as far as possible.  Then if anything does go wrong, parents will be in a better position to accept what has happened and able to offer help if necessary."

This may mean that parents have to hold back their natural urge to help their offspring and instead monitor their progress from a distance, but it will be for the best in the long run.

Perhaps, to give them reassurance, parents can contact the gap year provider or speak to other parents once everything is almost all arranged.

Money issues

Money is one area where kids are perhaps unlikely to refuse help from their parents, however, where possible they should be encouraged to save up some of the cash themselves either through work or fundraising.

If parents are in a position to ease the traveller's financial burden that is a massive help and for their own piece of mind, parents may wish to help out with buying a comprehensive insurance policy or purchasing some necessary equipment.

It is also worth having a discussion about what will happen if the child runs out of money and set up a system where their parents can transfer some over, either from their own account or the child's.

The need for independence

Ultimately, gap years are largely about gaining independence and this means that parents should take a step back when it comes to organising the gap year and even when their son or daughter has jetted off.

If their child is homesick at first, parents should be supportive but firm and reassure them that it will pass.

Then, once they start really enjoying the trip, parents may have to forgive a few missed emails or phone calls and not expect too much in the way of communication.

"There are key events that should be reported: safe arrival in country and again at the project.  Then for those on a project weekly/fortnightly/monthly as agreed unless there is a change in plan that parents should know about.  For those that are travelling independently then parents should be kept informed of progress and any changes of plan," Mr Oliver said.

Gap years are part of maturing into an adult and when their kids return parents are likely to think they are very different, however, the changes will hopefully be positive and will add a new dimension to the relationship.